Sunday, May 30, 2010

And I've Lost...

I figured taking a stand, doing what I wanted for a change would actually get me somewhere... Well I was wrong. Standing up for myself, trying to do what was right, what I wanted, instead of doing what everyone else wanted got me deeper into a hole I really don't want to be in. I figured if I let her come to me, she would and she'd be all ideas to fix it all. That she would do something to prove that saving our friendship wasn't hopeless... She didn't. She sat there somewhat quietly, just listening to what I had to say, then bringing up that same thing, "I'm happy around them."


And then it was back to me. How could I find a way to fix it? Well I didn't think we could right then, I figured it was hopeless like I said... Now she probably doesn't even care. She probably is just happy with him and doesn't even need me. I'm not important anymore, just like every other best friend I've ever had. I'd be good enough till something better came along, but isn't that how it always works for everyone? Well that is bullshit. I try not to leave people when something better comes along, and frankly I don't 75% of the time. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm saying in her shoes, I'd be acting differently...

I would have given him up because friendship means more to me... Boys come and go, but friendship is supposed to stay, supposed to stick. But I guess that usually isn't always the case... I still have friends, I still have some people I'm really close to. Actually, this experience got me closer to one friend in particular and I'm happy about that, but I didn't want that to happen at this expense. What do I do now?

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