Saturday, September 25, 2010

What Do I Do?

I guess it's hard because I can never make up my mind. One moment I can see it so clear, decide exactly what I want, but then in a matter of seconds it changes. It all changes... I realize that I don't want a thing to change, I don't know how any of it would work, yet I still find myself thinking about it all the time. You could say it's like getting a child's hopes up, only to have the intention of destroying them, although with myself it's repetitive. And then I also have the thought that why should I care? I tell everyone else I know not to get their hopes up, that it'll end but it's a step to a greater future. Why should I wish for anything different? Why should I wish just to have that certain person forever when I know deep down that it's not right? Maybe I'm a hypocrite... But he means so much to me, and I just have that feeling, yet my brain always tells me that it can't be possible; he can't be the one. I'm invisible, a wall you could say, when it comes to being seen in anyway out of the nerd or friend area. But I always find myself hoping for something different... This will run through my mind a thousand more times again before I finally make a decision; keep holding on or give it up. Right now I'm leaning on the give up side, but I can't...

So what do I do?