Tables turn...

And people change. Every last one of them. You'll go through the sadness, the depression, those periods of time when the ground seems to be collapsing from under you. Oh, are those the times of pain and feeling nothing but being lost. People around you will tell you, "Don't worry, it'll all be over soon enough, and things will be perfectly fine." Of course they're trying to tell you the truth but unfortunately it's all just a lie. All wounds may heal, but never completely. Trust will never fully be regained, and holes in your world will never be stitched back together all the way.

 But we keep hoping, hoping it'll all be okay...

And then other times you go through the happiness. Smiles, being delighted, and a sense that the world understands you or doesn't even matter. Most people love to live like that, and actually do. They find ways to make the happiness last, and to never even take in the negatives. What a way to live... It's the best way by far, no more tears or any problems. That's exactly what I envy from them. Tables may turn, and people may change but it never seems to have an affect on them. They're happy whether things are horrible or not. They could lost their best friend, have a family member die, or even lose the love of their life and after maybe a day of mopping, they look at the things they have and how much it means to them.

Screw the way things turn out or the people that left, what matters is who's still there beside you and what you still have to look forward to.

And I wish I thought like the happy people...
But I have changed,
my tables have turned,

and I'm stuck on the pessimistic side of the mirror.

Memory Lane

Lately, I have been taking a stroll down memory lane. Every day, every time I see someone I remember, just all the time. Remembering the good, the bad, the fun experiences, the ones I wish I'd never had, mistakes, and success. Some people would call this "living in the past" when I would like to call it exactly what it is... remembering. The only reason why I've brought this subject up is because I've been going through it a lot lately. I'll see one of my old best friends and who they are now and think, "What happened? How did we grow so far apart? Was it my fault or theirs? Do they even remember me?" Other people it's just like, "How could you have done this to me? Were you lying? Why didn't I ever get an explanation?" Yeah, remembering is painful most of the time, I'll give it that. But where would we be without the memories?

Frankly I don't think we'd be anywhere. We need those memories to survive. For example, remembering how to swim is probably something you'll need to know if you go on a boat. Or let's say your friend has constantly lied to you and wont stop. Don't you deserve to remember that chances are they are going to lie to you again? I think you should. Plus without all the happy memories, how would we know happiness? Sometimes you just have to weigh it out. Are the good memories and the learning experiences worth the pain of remembering them? I think they are most of the time. We all have or pessimistic days, some more than others, but someone out there has got to agree that memories are worth the pain and the problems that come with knowing what happened.

For me, of course I hate remembering certain things. An example of this is like remembering all the things he said, then thinking he was just playing me, using me as a toy. I still think that every time I see him. But I need to remember this to a] not fall again and to b] learn what kind of things I look for in a person. Without memories of what happened I'd be in the same little position I was in before, losing my head over such a silly matter. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's the rest of the world, but in short I enjoy my walks down memory lane. They remind me what I have, what I had, and what I don't need. Without the memories of all of my experiences I don't know what I'd do. And of course I have to include my mistakes in there as well because without my mistakes I wouldn't gain a thing. I'd just repeat stupid things over and over again. Where's the fun in that?

Well it's time for me to go, I've gone on long enough about memories. Hopefully I've gotten you thinking about it, or at least I hope. Dare to remember everything, it'll help out in the long run.

Love,

UK Lover Trapped in the USA

A.K.A. Samantha.