My Future: Happy With a Chance of Rain.

"Don’t unplug me
or just shut me down
Please just love me
with your steel heart
I’d reboot you
If you’d look at me
With those cold eyes
One more time" 

Don't Unplug Me
by
ALL CAPS 

  

Such a good song, if I do say so myself. Anyway, onto other business. I've come to the conclusion that if you want to escape the drama, you need to stop talking about the drama. Get a hobby, a life, have some fun. Too bad I'm lacking in the hobby and life area, but I know how to have fun. I may not get to go out and do it too often, but I know how to. For now I'm stuck day dreaming of my future, the one I keep forgetting about to deal with everything that's going on now.  

Now you're probably wondering, "What dream do you have Sam?" or you may not be wondering that at all and are actually thinking about lunch. Well, since I can't help with lunch, I'll just assume you care about thought number one. First part of this little dream of mine is to finish high school. Wow, finish high school, how highly standard. Well I'm only saying that because I can't wait till my summer before college, when I want to go visit England, Wales, Scotland, and Ireland.

Then after I finish college I'll go into whatever profession I have decided. I haven't really picked exactly what I want to do but I have a few things in mind. Either I can work my butt off for money to then transfer to England or I will stumble across the love of my life that just happens to live in England. Who knows, I'm not going to be picky with where the path takes me. As long as I'm happy, marry a wonderful man, and live in England, I'll be incredibly content.

I should probably talk about the dream man a little bit too huh? Well I don't ask for much. I don't want the average stud that almost every girl is looking for. I'm just looking for the man that has a great sense of humor, kind heart, intellectual brain, and a nature that wouldn't hurt a fly. A nerd would be fabulous. I guess you'd care about the outer looks too, huh? As long as he's just the nerdy cute with muscles I'll be happy. I guess what matters most is that we fit each other like gloves and that we will be the best possible parents we can be. That's all we can really ask for.

So that's my dream, my goal in life. What can I say, it isn't that fabulous, but it is for me. All I could ask for is a happy life, and I can't think of any other way to spend it than with a lovely husband, family, and setting. I may be too young to even worry about any of this, but it's the only thing that keeps me going.
So here's to the future, the present, and the past.
May it all turn out to be what you wished for and more. ♥

Catch Up. [:

I think this deserves for a well needed catch up session. Biggest thing that has happened recently was going to the lovely place you see above, which would be Olympia in Washington state, our capital. My humanities class was competing in a project called Project Citizen at state. First time our school went, first time my teacher had ever even done this project and we won state! Little `ol town from the middle of nowhere beat out the rich schools and we now represent Washington in the national competition. I took a lot of pictures, [including that one] and had just tons of fun. I wouldn't change that experience for anything in the world, it meant so much to me. I also got told by the Deputy sheriff of our county, and Detective Adam that I should go to law school and become a lawyer. Too bad my passion is in helping the environment and psychology, otherwise I think they're right and I'd be pretty darn good at that.

I'll also have to include the negative in this, but it's starting to look up a bit. Lately I've felt really alone, really secluded, really unhappy. I felt as if I was losing my best friend to my ex, whom I spent 5 years of my life on. Five years. I won't lie, it still hurts that she did that to me, but I told her to. I told her to follow her heart... We had another long conversation about me being upset and her being upset, but both of us agreeing upon missing the way things used to be. After that, and a few fallen tears yet again, she changed the subject and for the first time in a month I felt like I was mostly talking to my old best friend. You know, the one I loved and cherished so much.  For the first time in a long time, I have hope that things will be okay, or at least they'll get better. Let's just hope it ends up staying that way...

During having those times when I'm more depressed than anything, it leaves me with a lot of time to think. That means memories I don't want to remember, wounds being re-opened and poked at, just more pains and aches. It hurts, remembering all I wish I could forget and never being able to let it go. Even those good memories kill me. When I'm all alone at night, I remember everything. When I do something that reminds me of certain people and certain things, then I want to crawl in a hole and die. I really want to crawl into a little Samantha- ball already, and I think I may do that as soon as I'm done writing this. My secret for right now, is that I found out the boy I shouldn't like, liked me before. He told me today, and I would have told him I liked him if my friend hadn't of been there. Then again I don't think that would have been a good idea... 

Curse you bad habits, peoples expectations and judgment, and you for being everything I'm not allowed to have but something I actually, oddly, want.