Friday, May 14, 2010

Catch Up. [:

I think this deserves for a well needed catch up session. Biggest thing that has happened recently was going to the lovely place you see above, which would be Olympia in Washington state, our capital. My humanities class was competing in a project called Project Citizen at state. First time our school went, first time my teacher had ever even done this project and we won state! Little `ol town from the middle of nowhere beat out the rich schools and we now represent Washington in the national competition. I took a lot of pictures, [including that one] and had just tons of fun. I wouldn't change that experience for anything in the world, it meant so much to me. I also got told by the Deputy sheriff of our county, and Detective Adam that I should go to law school and become a lawyer. Too bad my passion is in helping the environment and psychology, otherwise I think they're right and I'd be pretty darn good at that.

I'll also have to include the negative in this, but it's starting to look up a bit. Lately I've felt really alone, really secluded, really unhappy. I felt as if I was losing my best friend to my ex, whom I spent 5 years of my life on. Five years. I won't lie, it still hurts that she did that to me, but I told her to. I told her to follow her heart... We had another long conversation about me being upset and her being upset, but both of us agreeing upon missing the way things used to be. After that, and a few fallen tears yet again, she changed the subject and for the first time in a month I felt like I was mostly talking to my old best friend. You know, the one I loved and cherished so much.  For the first time in a long time, I have hope that things will be okay, or at least they'll get better. Let's just hope it ends up staying that way...

During having those times when I'm more depressed than anything, it leaves me with a lot of time to think. That means memories I don't want to remember, wounds being re-opened and poked at, just more pains and aches. It hurts, remembering all I wish I could forget and never being able to let it go. Even those good memories kill me. When I'm all alone at night, I remember everything. When I do something that reminds me of certain people and certain things, then I want to crawl in a hole and die. I really want to crawl into a little Samantha- ball already, and I think I may do that as soon as I'm done writing this. My secret for right now, is that I found out the boy I shouldn't like, liked me before. He told me today, and I would have told him I liked him if my friend hadn't of been there. Then again I don't think that would have been a good idea... 

Curse you bad habits, peoples expectations and judgment, and you for being everything I'm not allowed to have but something I actually, oddly, want.